Tuesday, October 02, 2012


There is something wonderful about being 40, well, with regards to making new friends anyway. I feel like when I was younger, making new female friends was like walking into a mine field.

Many women in their 20's and early 30's tend to view each other as competition, but it isn't something we have any control over. Biologically, we are in prime baby making time and our hormones are simply making sure that Sheila don't take our man or that Sheila don't get more attention than me at the bar just in case the guy with the good sperm and Volvo happens to be near by. Don't roll your eyes. Biology has a whole lot to do with human behavior. It is happening under the surface while we aren't looking.  I took an evolutionary psych class in college and it ruined night clubs for me forever. All I see when I walk into an oontz oontz place is a whole lotta mating rituals. You may see hot guys buying expensive drinks and sexy girls sporting teensy mini skirts, but I see big colorful roosters puffing their feathers and little white chickens sticking their asses in the air and spreading pheromones. We are all pawns in procreation's big plan.

I digress. In the past coupla years, I have met some extraordinary women and when I have, I love the  friendship butterflies. It sort of reminds me of elementary school when you discover that Sally doesn't only love purple, but her mom sends fried chicken to school every day in her lunch box that Sally in turn gives to you because she is sick of fried chicken, but doesn't realize that it is your childhood crack. As grownups, it is like that except for Sally doesn't dump you after a few weeks for Caitlynn, who has a barbie dreamhouse. Well, sometimes she does.

As grown ups, we have more than two spots in our lives for incredible friends and we realize that not every friend needs to fulfill every friendship need. Some friends are the ones you drink one too many drinks with, while others are the ones you call when you want to shoot your husband and then there are the ones who make you do yoga. It is difficult to find the jack of all trades in friendship and I think you are better off diversifying your investments so if drinking buddy moves to Alaska, you don't lose yoga buddy and bitch-session buddy as well.

I became inspired to write this piece because I had a lunch date today with a new friend named Lisa. She is a ray of sunshine and I don't think it is drug induced. She is only 32. I never ever ever thought I would write "only 32", but when you are 40, 32 is ya know, 8 years younger! Anyway, Lisa is 32, but exudes peace, wisdom, intelligence and kindness. I really look forward to sharing barbies and trading peanut butter and jelly for fried chicken with her.

I feel really lucky that I have a few friends that I have known for almost 20 years. We made it through the minefield. I am also thrilled with the super solid group of women who I have been lucky enough to meet in the past few years. I want to thank all of them for the friendship butterflies. You may have your solid group of friends from childhood, college or cubicles, but I recommend that you tell the girl in the grocery line that you love her purse or reach out to that chick you met at that dinner party who you promised you would connect with. We are all busy and who has time for more friends right? I do.


Blogger Nathalie L. said...

Love, love, love this Claudia. Bittersweet reading this....One of my best friends, that as a result of a terrible turn of events during surgery (and a stupid elective, cosmetic one at that), suffered sudden cardiac arrest and went 9 minutes without oxygen. As a result, she is in a vegetative state, in a nursing home, where she will remain until her parents can come to terms with letting her go. She without a doubt gave me friendship butterflies 10 years ago when we met. She was my drinking buddy, bugged the hell out of me to work out and could always be counted on for a quick pick me up. I am heart broken but reading this further solidified the importance of letting people in and making life all the more richer.

7:49 PM  
Blogger marcy said...

I love your writing. always have!

You have a way of putting it out there and saying things that people can relate to. Or at least people like me...and you....and there are a lot of us out there.

You're a great friend Claudia and you're only 40.

1:07 PM  

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